I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
