just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize