just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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