I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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