Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
