Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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