Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
