I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
