btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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