Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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