She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
