Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's the barista slut.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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