i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize