weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
