i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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