You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
