Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
