tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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