i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
