oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
