I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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