I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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