I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
