If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
