Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
