Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
