Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
