The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
