i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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