I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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