she looked like the bat from fern gully.
nutella sex= disaster
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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