jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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