Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
