i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want a musical about memes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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