I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
