as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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