Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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