remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
