You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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