I am spending my child support on dildos
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
