They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
