I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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