guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.