cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
