shes about as inviting as chlamydia
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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