I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.