I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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