Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
