You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
