I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
