i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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