I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
