It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
