Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's just like the Real World with babies
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
