I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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