did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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