Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
