Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
