If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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