it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize