i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
