I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
