yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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