I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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