Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You are a genius and a whore.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
