Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
