What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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