OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
