I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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