I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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